Work in Progress

It would have been more like me to have jumped back in here, posted, then have left again for an extended period. It's not that I don't ascribe to longevity, I'm just a bit of a flake. If I can't own that this far along, then I am denying the problem. Unless it owns my soul (like Adam or our home or our children), it's dispensable.

I've always had some degree of fear that I do this wave of the hand with jobs....but I celebrated 12 years with State Farm this week. I admit there was a hiatus in there after I had A and B, and I admit, I have asked for a great deal of flexibility from my bosses, but, the greatest boss I ever had (and I have had some truly incredible mentors) once told me that I should never be defined by my job. She told me to build my life and to be who I am and to always make sure that work is just an enhancement. That coupled with my "take no shit" attitude has led me to here.

I am staring down the barrel of change, and, while I am excited about what lies ahead, I am trying not to leave carnage in my path. I returned to work full time last year when the kids started Kindergarten. That was a HUGE mistake for me. Here is the deal. If you want me to believe that you are a woman (or a man) and you work full time, grocery shop, provide your family healthy meals, schedule your family's appointments and events, make sure everyone shows up everywhere on time, pay the bills,manage the accounts, clean the house, have a positive, loving attitude toward your spouse, have sex, play with the kids, love on the kids, spend more than 45 minutes a day with your kids, nurture your kids, teach your kids, and provide your kids their primary moral, ethical, and social compass, and that you are still sane and not wallowing in the throes of depression then you are a liar. Period. Furthermore, if you think society has quit telling us to DO IT ALL, then you are blind, deaf, and dumb.

I got to my late 30s and looked around and felt like all eyes were waiting on the cape to unfurl rather than anyone asking, "what can I do to help?" What happened to it taking a village to raise a child? But, rather than get into my (very real) dreams of buying 100 acres of land and putting a handful of houses on it (those of you who are going to live and work it with me know who you are because we've planned this commune in rather great detail) (more simply put, if only my neighbors and I owned more land).....and everyone would share chores and duties and we'd live off the land and life would be simpler....harder...but simpler....

I'll spare you the commune story right now.

What I won't spare is this frustration I feel. I have the most incredibly supportive husband and I have a (male) boss who has been generous and understanding....but I have women asking me why I'd take time from my career to be with my children. WHA?

I cannot begrudge anyone their decision to put $ first, but I will absolutely tell you I vehemently disagree with the decision for my family. It is like anything else....you have your way, I have mine. At the end of the day I am interested in the planning aspect that money assists....I believe in college planning, saving for braces, and having LOTS of life insurance. What I am not interested in is how many square feet my house is (the smaller the better so I am closer to my little people) or what other people think of my furniture or clothes. Not important. Don't care.

So, for me, the decision has been to take a step back and to do more from home. I have been incredibly blessed by support I never expected in that, and it really outweighs the negative response I'd gotten. I'm returning to a part time office schedule and will be taking on more projects that I can do outside, and I am excited about that!

So, I suppose I am not wonder woman.

And I suppose you hoped for something lighter and more upbeat.

But if you want me back, I guess you will take me as you can get me.