Black Out

I need to write and I want to write, but I am BLANK. I am suffering from Facebook syndrome. You know what I am talking about. I don't want to be pigeonholed. Anything I write seems like I am becoming "that" person....the hippie, the dippie, the lone dove, the confused 20 something, the "perfect" mom, the "free" spirit, the bitter divorcee, the model Christian, the snarky dad, the almost 30 woman who is about to leave her boyfriend because they haven't had a real conversation about their future...about saving for a home...about how many kids they really want, if any at all....and he somehow just doesn't get the passive messages on Facebook that she is ready for marriage, the hunk who parties all the time and never posts...just gets tagged at the club, the stalker, the politician, the person who needs counseling and cannot afford it, the "look at me, I'm a perfect grandparent, the sluts, the scientists, the social drains.

I am not sure who is going to venture over, but, before you are crestfallen looking at the list above to figure out who YOU are. Let me say this. You know who you are, and you may not be on my list at all. In fact, chances are, if you are getting off of Facebook a moment to read something else, you may not allow yourself to be pigeonholed. Brava!

Here's me. This is my Facebook persona: If I am in a good mood it's fluffy pictures of the kids and dogs and Adam and cool social things where I tag Adam and zippadeedooda type stuff. If I am being a shithead (which is probably about 53% of the time), it is vague and passive angry posts aimed at the people or things that are bothering me. If I'm being thoughtful, it's politics. That part pisses people off. I have a degree in Political Science. I spent money and time studying it, interning, and working towards and understanding of HOW IT WORKS.


Facebook has gotten out of control for me. There is SO MUCH incorrect information being posted...and people buy this shit. Folks just believe whatever the media vomits out that day. Re-post, share...but don't stop to investigate anything for heavens sake. It is disappointing. And I realized this week that we spend all day every day with our faces stuck in Facebook. It's worse than television because it is more false, more fake, and more projected images and false innuendo about what we are and who we are and what we do. I KNOW YOU PEOPLE AND YOU ROCK I CARE ABOUT YOU. I HAVE CONNECTED TO YOU ON FACEBOOK BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I mean it. I cannot think of a single person who I am friends with on Facebook who I do not consider to be a total rock star. Do I agree with some of you cuckoo clocks on things? Hells no.

So, here is the problem. I want to leave Facebook, but I can't. I want to keep up with folks - especially those who are not with me. I want to have that social outlet to reach people and for people to reach me. I like the convenience of it. But I am addicted. I have a problem with that. So, this project that I have babbled about all year - this is a component...a very tiny piece. I've been activating pieces here and there.

Remember in my first post back where I said I left my blog because people were keeping up with my kids through the internet - people who need to be interfacing with my kids and being a part of their life???? Well....all I did was make it easier - on Facebook. Sooooooooooo.....

I am staying, but I am only going to be visiting Facebook once a day, at night, for no more than 15 minutes. That gives me time to send and receive messages, check invites, and to be selective about who I am interested in catching up with.

I got up last night to pee and checked my Facebook. I don't know. For me, that just seems kind of sad.

So...you aren't losing the snarky mom who wishes she had an occasional date night with her husband and feels angry with herself for her food addiction who struggles with the fact that sometimes (even though her children are the two most amazing people in the world) that parenting can be boring or frustrating or draining or all of the above, who is angrily passionate about love and acceptance in the world, who thinks money is a farce and all those getting sucked into the bigger house, bigger car scam are going to regret it later, who is bright and opinionated, but who is dark and reserved and trying desperately to hold back demons that would scare folks should they ever escape. Pigeonhole me. I did it to myself. I got tricked by the ease of it all. Social media. Good one.