Failure

You know that theory that as you age, time speeds up....it's true. Also true: you begin to learn faster as you age. I know, I know...all those brain cells I (you/we) killed in college (or earlier or later) must disprove my theory. However, HALLELUJAH! I feel like I am experiencing an awakening.

I know this is a reiteration....but I was a grumpy grump all last year. I had some legitimate reasons, and some illegitimate reasons. I started early in the year by unloading some unnecessary personal baggage (some by choice, some by chance) and I lost some of the dead weight that was dragging me down, and, as the year progressed, and I began to see hope for my health issues, I began to understand more about how my personal attitude affects every moment of my life.

I have not fully shaken the grumpies, but I am working on it. I am a work in progress. I am always a work in progress, but I cannot believe the leaps and bounds levitated by simply trying to think outside the box in regards to my life. Here are a few things I have picked up that I think may be helpful to everyone:

1. Be clear on your own personal definition of success and live by your own personal goals. Period. This is different for everyone. If you are working toward something and feel an overwhelming sense of "missing out" on some part of your life, then you are not doing it right.....reassess your goals.

2. If you expect too much from people it is, ultimately, your own fault....not theirs. You cannot force people to be who you want them to be. Some relationships just do not work. This can even mean family. You know what is thicker than blood? Apparently a lot of stuff...like genuine care and compassion. Sometimes it really is just sperm and eggs folks. (I know that is ironic coming from me.) If a relationship is important and lasting, you'll be compelled in your heart to work on it. I've learned about that too.

3. Marry your best friend. Enjoy one another. Above anything else, learn early to communicate. Learn the way you like to be loved and learn the way your partner likes to be loved and revisit this often.

*#3 has nothing to do with #2, unless your partner is an asshole. Mine is not. If yours is, then good luck with that.

4. If you do not have a pet, do not acquire one. I know...tsk...tsk....so many little animals who need homes. Somehow I think this assumption that we all need pets just perpetuates some of the animal cruelty in the world. I am sorry. I love my dogs so very much, but I am speaking truth here.

5. Understand who your true friends are and reach out to them often. It is hard to make time. It is hard to take time, but if you have your eye on what is important in this world, then you will FIND time.

6. Read more. I just started my second book of the year...I bet I only read 3 books all of last year. I did something semi-serious. Now I am allowing myself a fun fiction piece...next up a biography. I will gladly take suggestions, but I am leaning towards George Washington.

7. Be affectionate with your kids and don't be scared to explain things to them...even if it means using big words you think may be too mature for them. I started early with mine, and, I have every confidence that they can now fully articulate to me anything they need to articulate which means that I do not have to deal with meltdowns. The affection part - well, that is just a means to an end. I like some snuggle loving back.

8. Teach your kids to fight back. Hm. Yup. The rule in our house is this: if you get hit, slapped, punched, kicked, harassed, bullied, etc. tell the nearest adult. If that does not solve your problem then fight back. Use whatever method necessary to make your aggressor understand that you aren't a wimp. It is AMAZING how much confidence this has instilled in my children - just understanding their options. They have not had to use this yet, but, when and if they do, they know to expect consequences. They understand that if they have to fight back, they might get into trouble, but that they will ultimately not be belittled....STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!

9. Apparently, butt and fart are the funniest words every invented and these words can be used in any song to include the name game and a weird rendition of Jingle Bells....both of which make me want to stick a fork directly into my own eyeball. (I know...not really advice or important knowledge, but a groundbreaking discovery in the last year all the same).

And, finally,

10. You control your own person (this is a big hit with the kids right now). No one else controls your person, so, if you are unhappy with something regarding YOU, then change it. Stop whining. If you are proud of something in relation to YOU then give yourself a big hand, hug, pat on the back.

I am 100% certain that all of this information can be found in a self-help guide or whatnot book out there. Cheesy? Maybe....I just really appreciate all of the wonderful things that have happened this year. I am settling into myself. I am growing up in a way that really just began within the last couple of years. I have had so many great moments already this year with many of the important people in my life, and, it has made me realize how very, very blessed I am in this time and place to have such positive energy around me. For so long I have failed to use that energy. I have wasted a lot of time focusing on what is "wrong" and setting out to try to "fix" people and things, to try to mold situations to be the way I want them rather than just understanding that the only thing I can control is ME. That is it. I cannot control one other thing in this world. I can be honest about what makes me happy, what makes me sad, and what I want and don't want. I can shift my focus from the people who want to waller in their personal myre of self pity and just move forward in my life with a clear recognition of what it will take to make ME happy, not what everyone else assumes should make me happy.

Not a nobel prize winning post, I am sure, but it feels good to write it...just as a personal reminder to myself (you know, for next week when I am grumpy again).

Peace, love, and all that jazz....



I see a lot of people around me rich, poor, high, low, up, down, sideways who are happy and loving and kind and genuine and want to celebrate this fanastic life with me, with Adam, with our children. AND I have seen people around me rich, poor, high, low, up, down, sideways who are stuck in a very narrow and very dark place of selfish reason and motive and response to their world, and, it gives me an icky feeling. I used to think it was my job to change those people and places and circumstance. I now realize that is not my purpose at all. By fosucing on my person and taking time to really enjoy all of the good things life has to offer me, I can learn to be more positive and more optimistic.

If you need a change....well, think about what it is that is weighing on you and do something about it. :)