Jack Legs

So a girlfriend of mine posted on Facebook today that she was asked on a questionnaire at the pediatrician's office if she treats her child with remedies made with moonshine.

I like to treat myself with moonshine, but the kids...not.so.much.

I suppose when I get done laughing, I have to really stop and consider that this obviously happens enough to warrant a question on the patient's health history sheet at this particular pediatric office.

There are people who give their kids moonshine....as a treatment....

There are people who still make moonshine?!

Oh, wait, yeah, I was offered a glass within the year. I'll retract that as something 'super surprising'.

I guess the question here is, "what in the hell are people thinking????" That is coming from someone who fully embraces homeopathic remedies and alternative medicine. I respect it. I understand it. I've been thrust into it with force via Western medicine. Does my family still use many typical and traditional treatment methods? Yes. Are our philosophies changing on medications? OH YES.

Here is the thing, though, parenting encompasses a lot more than choices for medical care, and I certainly won't represent that I am going to cover everything here today. What I am going to do is draw a few inferences and correlations, and, maybe, piss a few people off.

So let's do this thing.

I believe a few things about parenting:

1. What works in your house for you and your kids is your business. Ditto for me. Whatever is appropriate for your family and is not of harm to anyone but one's self (consentually) is a go. If warming up moonshine to put in a weepy kid's infected ear works for you and is of no harm to the kid, fine. Giving the kid a shot of it to ingest...nuh uh.

2. Children believe, act, and speak what they are taught. They develop through enforcement. Period. If you have an out of control kid who bites, hits, and acts like a flipping jack leg, you are to blame, not the kid. Now, let me say this. EVERY SINGLE KID I HAVE EVER KNOWN has bitten, kicked, hit, slapped, and been a jacked up jackhole at one time or another. Children do not always have the words to express themselves or the capacity for self control to hold back. We fail as adults every day to keep from doing or saying things we should not, however, as a general rule, biting, hitting, kicking, etc., should be unacceptable. A child should know that and should have the words to express themselves. If you have a kid that people are avoiding, pay attention the next time you are in a social situation to how many times your kid is a jackhole and how many times you fail to address it. I catch myself frequently enough. I have a platform with 2 bickering 4 year olds all day, every day. My kids are not aggressive. I like to think there is a reason for that.

3. Every single parent is interested in their child's milestones. That is reasonable and justified. Those first words, steps, and recognitions are absolutely unparalleled. I got to enjoy a bit of someone's firsts last night. It is unbelievable how exciting it can be to watch a child who is learning to walk. The excited parents are a hoot too. The excited neighbors maybe too excited? Nahhhh. What is not acceptable is competitive parenting. You guys know what I am talking about. You all have that random friend, and your conversations go something like this:

Me (you): "Boy, my kid sure did take a big poop last night."
Friend (your friend): "Well, my kid's turd last night wrapped around the bowl and came out of the water, so we measured it, and it was 49 feet long.....it was so cool, we are framing it and hanging it over our couch."

I admit, I have actually probably always been less of a competitive parent because I gave birth to my kids almost 2 months early, so they did everything late...and I mean everything. But why, why, why do people feel so compelled to be competitive? Swapping stories is one thing, but trying to win a non-existent award - rubbish! I can assure you I'm not winning the parent of the year award...ever...and I am pretty sure Ben and Alya are permanently disqualified from kid of the year, because they can be pretty impressive doo doo heads sometimes. Bragging periodically is expected. Gloating is sometimes in order...absolutely....be proud, your child is AMAZING, but countering every single thing I say with "my kid did it better" just makes me aggravated. [Anyone who wants to remind me right now that I do that about everything regarding all of us adults, go ahead. I know I do it. If you tell me right now that you have a headache I am sure I'll be convinced I have a migraine or an aneurysm or something astronomical. This is one of my many non-redeeming qualities. I admit I have a problem. Hi, my name is Christa, and you can't say anything in my presence without me having done or experienced the exact same thing. Sometime in the past I lost my ability to just relate to people and became kind of twitchy and overly-self-possessed seeming.....but it is really just my excitement to be with other adults when I get the chance and to share stories and identify that I am not alone in this world with all my ailments and shortcomings.]

5. Parenting is hard work. Give yourself a pat on the back. Right now...if you are a parent.

6. If you don't ever teach your child another thing, teach them to be respectful. Being respectful lays the foundation for them being good children and good people their whole lives through. Being respectful makes mommies' and daddies' lives easier. For example, I took my kids with me to pt this morning. They each took a toy and they played quietly for an hour while I got treatment. I never had to correct them or interrupt my doctor. They were happy, I was happy. I like that I frequently get complimented on their behavior in public. Now, I assure you we deal with some messes at home sometimes, but they know I expect them to be respectful at all times. This includes being quiet and acting responsibly in public so not to bother others. They abide by this. Therefore, I can generally be assured my kid is not causing a headache for someone in our vicinty. This truly lays the foundation for being thoughtful later toward friends, family, and the world in general. I know a lot of parents who are practicing the "whatever works for you kid" method. I generally err on the side of not giving in on the small things and not appropriately picking my battles. Both ways are wrong. Find your happy medium for raising a respectful kid.

I guess I could go on ad nauseum, but I'll stop here....and I'll allow a good hypocrisy window before I post pictures of the impressive math worksheets my kids did yesterday.

One final thought though before I go.....nah, I'll save that one for another day.

Happy hump day y'all!