Twinkle Toes

I'm anxious (post some news, right?).




My precious pudding pops are going to have an insane schedule this Fall, and I am feeling robbed. I know, I know.....enjoy the Summer and deal with Fall when it gets here. The problem is, that as I plan for Fall, (mmo/preschool and whatever activities they choose to participate in) I realize we are about to have NO time together.

And I somehow feel like I just blew the first 4 years.

I know that sounds retarded.....I am home with them, and I cannot tell you how many times we have been together doing things, oftentimes forgoing playdates and "outings" to just be together at home snuggling and talking. But I am stunned at how I have failed to capitalize....failed to capitalize on spending a million dollars to have them involved in programs...that eat our time and take them away from me....

Oh, okay...redundant.

I guess I feel guilty because they have taken to saying, "We haven't been to Earlyworks in a while." We've been once. It is expensive, and the only free time we ever seem to have is on Fridays. I am not going to Earlyworks on a Friday. Period.

I did splurge on a botanical gardens membership last year, and it was totally worth it...in fact, we may have abused our membership. I plan to splurge on that again.

But, I got so wrapped up in not having a library card AND potential germ exposure that I oftentimes avoided the library...which is stupid, because my neighbor and good friend is the youth librarian and she rocks the programs and story time.

So, that is free (after I pay my overdues plus interest...hee hee....)....Alya says she wants to take violin lessons and Ben wants to do sports skills or gymnastics.

I want them to do dance....so I can knock it out in one place and fuss over a tutu and recital at some point.

I'm selfish.

I'm really beating myself up about their MMO program too, because I LOVE the staff and teacher and I can afford it....but 3 HALF DAYS A WEEK is too much....and I think they need something a little more challenging. But there seems to be a clear line...and about a $500/month/kid difference between a simple mmo and a strict curriculum.

I'm not too worried about info. They read, they do math, we discuss science at length at home. As long as they are socializing well next year, then we have laid the groundwork for kindergarten.

And, did I mention I love and trust their teacher? Far more important than whether or not the school teaches a foreign language. Especially for a parent who trusts no one.

They are super special twinkle stars....





I just missed a few years there...it seemed like I'd be home and we'd do lessons and have play dates...and for a while that was ideal...and then I needed a few hours a week to breathe...and we started MMO and then things like swim lessons, doctors appointments, and life just jumped in and suddenly I am staring down the barrel of my children being gone or involved in an activity every day...and what about Mommy?

Did I mention I am selfish?

I admit, I am really looking forward to returning to work for 1) the adult interaction and 2) the money........

But that is still about 15 months off.....and I had this idea of grandeur where the kids and I would roll around in pudding and float on clouds and live in la la land and have an infinite supply of time for lessons and play and play dates and this was going to be my final year to accomplish that.....FANTASY.....why? WHY?

If I thought I could handle it (mentally) I'd skip the mmo/preschool and just do lessons at home and we'd do the activities, and we'd make it work.....but I NEED that time. 3 half days just feels like too much.

Is this blog post going anywhere?

No.

It is just me "thinking" (typing) "aloud"....hm?...and trying to figure out how to have it all for myself and figure out (more importantly!) what is the best thing for the kids.

What is the best thing for the kids?

Don't answer that....because my kids and your kids are different and we are different and what works at my house may or may not work at your house. But thanks for listening (reading) and digesting (vomiting) at my complete lack of wherewithall on what should be a simple decision.

They are asleep right now.

They still take a 2-3 hour nap a day.

They'll never be ready for Kindergarten next year.

I think homeschooling just came back up on the table.

I can't do this. They just have to stay here with me forever. 2 4 hour mornings a week is all I can do... I just need enough time to run myself ragged to finish errands and then retrieve them and tuck them under my wing.