shark

"You can make some of the people happy some of the time, but you cannot make all of the people happy all of the time"....my take, just stop trying...the only person you can really please is yourself....no matter how good a person you are, no matter how loving and understanding and compassionate you are, negative people will pick out the one tiny thing they can to hark on, and they will beat a dead horse in an attempt to change you.

"Fairy tales really do come true." my take, they do...they just are not ever quite what we imagine, because we are human and we live within limitation and our minds can never quite comprehend the greatest pain or the greatest happiness until that moment occurs and we are in it.


"Be the change you wish to see in the world"...I think he meant this on a much smaller scale than we interpret. Every time I visit this quote (weekly at least) I always think, I SHOULD VOLUNTEER FOR SOMETHING MEANINGFUL [read, I should be at a homeless shelter daily giving out food]. Ultimately, I think we just need to strive to be loving and understanding toward our fellows humans, living creatures, Earth, etc., that is all. If we all took that small step, the world would change exponentially.

"Don't bite the hand that feeds you." My take, don't ask for food. Let's think about this a moment...unconditional love is not abundant in our world. Look around you. Do you have a person or two or 5 who you have a realtionship of unconditional love with? Good. Stop expecting every relationship to be that way. It is not. People expect a tit for tat. So, if you never ask for anything, then you never owe anything. It is that simple. If people wanted to give you something, they would do it of their own volition, generously. If they do not, then you create an atmosphere of indebtedness and tension.

I'm taking liberty with these because I am not looking anything up....so if I have gotten something wrong, consider this my express apology.

You know the whole "dance as if no one is watching thing"? Well, sure. However, someone is going to be watching and laughing. You either have to decide to be a person who cares or not. THAT DECISION IS YOURS, and no one can make it for you and no one can make you feel any way that you do not choose. Reaction is a choice. REACTION.IS.A.CHOICE.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." It is LOADED, because asking God for anything is so overwhelmingly presumptive. I'm not doing lessons in religion today. I believe in God and I believe in the power of prayer. I do not believe God is a man (or woman) who controls our day to day lives. Chew on it. I like that this addresses God and then assumes free will and predestination, because, yes, yes, and yes. Again God is either infinite or not. If you are not sure, look up the definition of infinite.

"You can't comfort the afflicted without afflicting the comfortable." Just because I think we are in a time and a place when we need to remember this one.

It was just a "words of widom" moment. Soon I will have time to download pictures and do a fun post. It has all just been so serious lately. I have a lot of extraneous negativity weighing me down (choice)...so I am (choosing to) live freer of those constraints.

Stup-a-fizz

Alya has asked that we refrain from calling her Piggy or Louise (or Piggy Loise...sign...sad whimper) and, instead, just call her Snacks. I'm willing to try to accomodate that, as hard as it might be, because the other things she wants these days are undoable.

I appreciate that Alya appears to be a withdrawn and excrutiatingly anti-social child. In fact, the other day, her best friends came to play. They busied themselves with Ben while Alya ran back and forth along the fenceline. She'll run (usually from the front door of our living room to the door to the den) and she'll stop and mumble something under her breath and wring and twist her hands and manipulate her fingers in an odd sign language type movement (odd because it is most definitely NOT sign language) and then she will start running again. When this began, I felt concerned. It's an odd mannerism and it can go on for an hour or more. It is very intense, and she prefers not to be bothered or interrupted during this time.

Is it an odd seizure?

Well, no. You can ask Alya at any time what she is pretending, and she will tell you. Now, her stories are always vibrantly articulated and very interesting. The plotlines are generally free flowing and artistic and Anna is generally the protagonist. Alya simply likes to pretend. Sometimes she invents video games (instead of playing the video games she has) and sometimes she uses her playtime to explain a situation that Anna is going through (that oftentimes correlates to something Alya is experiencing). Recently, Anna was swimming by herself because she was 64 and didn't need swimming lessons anymore.

Maybe Alya needs an outlet to articulate her own emotions.

Nope.

Alya comes to me multiple times throughout the day to explain why she no longer wants to go to swimming lessons or dance. She explains to me that she'd like a new house and new food and new toys. She tells me that she feels angry and disappointed....and excited...Alya has no trouble expressing herself....to me...but she shuts down around other adults. So, August is going to be quite interesting.

Alya has been fixated on us getting a new house. She says she wants new food and new toys, which, apparently is facilitated via a new house. I explain that we cannot just go buy a new house. Well, "how did you buy this house," she will ask. I explain. "Why did you pick this house?" "Can we build a new house?" "Can we move this house and put a new one here (so we do not have to leave our friends)?" "Can we put another house on the roof?" (That is my fave!) "Can we buld a new house on top?" She is obsessed, and she asks me these same questions almost daily.

She also asked recently if she believes in Jejus (JEEJJUSS) which I found endearing because we talk about Jesus a lot, but we also talk about other philosophies and ideas and thoughts. This is really another topic for another day, but I thought her saying 'Jejus' was cute.

Alya is very thoughtful....still vehemently opposed to being photographed...and 100% the most headstrong child I have ever met. I throw in the photographing item per exhibit (A) above and just because I always feel like more pictures would help when I am telling you these stories about Alya.

For those who are wondering what the "dance" verdict was: we gave Alya the option to choose if she will go on stage or not. She is expected to keep her commitment to her class until the end of the year and to dress the day of the recital and go, if for no other reason, to support her classmates. I cannot fathom forcing her to do something she is scared of just because we want to watch her. That just seems selfish. I am glad to force her to go to the doctor or take swim lessons (things she hates but that are necessary), but I just cannot force her to do something so superficial. She goes to dance and gets the benefit of the instruction and exercise, but, the recital is a photo op. I'm sure some folks would disagree and say I should help her get past her fear of being in front of an audience, but why? If that fear is just part of who she is, if Alya is just a shy and demure girl, then I'd like to celebrate that, because it is a part of what makes Alya, Alya.

While Alya may have a fiery temper and an absolutely unbreakable resolve, all I can really do is help her to be herself without harming herself or others (because she would harm herself or others..she can be quite violent). I do not want to change anything about who she is. Alya got herself into time out twice yesterday (which is unusual...Ben is generally in his chair). She threw several things yesterday and had a generally rough day (see her lunchtime photo). Last night she got mad again and screamed, "I am going to destroy everything." She meant it. If given the chance, Alya would absolutely mow over everything in her path and destroy it. Why, oh why, would you ever want to alter that passion in any way.

Why?

Here we go

After a few "complaints" that no one could comment, comments are now public too.

Feel free to say what is on your heart. Be prepared for a response!

Happy Wednesday y'all...

I just checked my calendar for today and it says I have a pilates class this morning and a tattoo appointment tonight (don't be fooled, the in between is scheduled in my head and is a gobbledy gook mess of a day)....but the schedule (as it appears on my new fancy Iphone that is totally amazing - thank you Shelly and Lori) is black and white....pilates/tattoo....

Now if those pajama babies will just get up so I can get some snuggles and get to rockin (yes, I still rock these kids who are now both just shy of a foot shorter than me), we'll be all set.

It's a sign....

Can you believe all the signs right now? Have you seen them, heard them....felt them? What are they signs of? I think it is something different for each of us.

My funniest sign EVER came in the form of a Post It note (should Note be capitalized or not(e)). I know...I am a failure of a comedienne. Came in the form of a post it note...last week....

So...this is going to be vague and elusive. PAY ATTENTION.

I am a flirty person....not always intentionally....I just like people, and I love to be around people and talk to people, and, I generally find most people attractive. I appreciate people's good qualities. From this has been born this odd history of me having "boyfriends/girlfriends"....now, I use these terms VERY loosely because:

1. These 'relationships' have occured while I have been married.

2. They are not actually relationships.

3. The objects of my affection generally do not know they are objects of my anything, and, more often than not, these people do not even know me.

Wow....I just realized I sound like a weird stalker psycho person. Let me assure you, this is all quite harmless. I generally don't even sneak a Facebook peek or anything. I simply choose whoever my "...friend" happens to be at that point in time and get giddy whenever I happen upon that person in public. I just love an excuse to act goofy....and my pretend relationships give me a great outlet.... My husband indulges me, because, it is all a joke. In fact, I tell this and I realize that, unless you know me, intimately, you might not really appreciate the story. But I am going to tell it anyway.

On Saturday Adam and I had a date day/night courtesy of Gams (THANKS GAMS!). We ran around town doing all of the fun things we like to do (yes, we went to Costco). During our outing, we went by a point of interest in Huntsville. I went to the restroom, and when I came out, Adam was gone.

Gone.

I was spooked....and I got panicked. I called Adam's cell phone and he said, "I am in the office." Well....as I approached the office, I realized there was a huge picture window, and inside that window I saw Adam. My heart went aflutter and little birds started to chirp all about me (remember, I'd lost him....and I am ever so fond of him...so finding him was super special). PICTURE WINDOW. Adam was sitting at a desk, and, across the desk from him was....you ready....my current boyfriend. Now, remember, this is not REALLY my boyfriend. In fact, I don't know this person at all and, were I single and were he single (which he may or may not be, I don't know, and it doesn't matter), I am not sure we'd even go out. All I know is I like to make jokes when I see him...probably more to try to taunt Adam than anything else.

So, there sat the object of my eternal love AND my (sometimes, completely imaginary) boyfriend...but he is a real person, and he is super, super fine. Yes. Fine.

I literally thought, "SCORE" and moseyed (mosied...mosyed...) toward the office and when I got to the door, it was closed, and there was a note on it that read: (I am TOTALLY not making this up.)

"Eddie is inside." (this was not the entire note...but I'll tell the rest in a moment.)

EDDIE. IS. INSIDE.

This is what the Post It Note (note) said.

If you have to click this link....then the story was lost on you.

This 100% could not be correct....or could it? Adam....unnamed boyfriend who does not know me....and EDDIE are in this room.

the rest of the note...."open the door slowly so that he doesn't run out..."

Well, for heaven's sake, let me be super careful, because right now it is the man trifecta....this would be the one and only reason I would ever get a "trilogy" tattoo (thanks, thebadassgeek)...I don't know the terminology for this tattoo....but I know several people with it, and they actually look very cool...but I guess since I don't want to be a copycat, I wouldn't do it....

until I open this door and see these three men, joined together, holding hands, waiting on me....

Turns out Eddie is a sweet, fluffy little pooch....who looked a lot happier to see me than a) my husband and b) my (now ex-) boyfriend ;)

Time to search for that next lucky person to be my special someone....

TGIF

I've had sooooo many things I have wanted to write about...and I've been busy over at some other sites (news to come)...so I am going to do a fragmented piece here that may or may not have fans. If you are feeling sensitive today, visit another day.

Facebook sucks. All Facebook really does is make me feel bad for assuming people are smarter than they really are (this does not apply to all you FBers). Now, that said, I stay on it because I love quick messages to hook up play dates and I love to post pictures of the kids and Eddie Vedder and I super love keeping up with all the funny and cute stuff you all do....but why do people passive agressively attack on Facebook....and why don't folks read things outside of Facebook instead of just posting what is already on there. I feel sad. Some people I thought were friends made me sad today....and this is my passive aggressive (if I am good at anything it is hypocrisy) way of letting them know it. I don't want to create hate and anger. I want us to all see what we have in common...as humans...and to figure out a way to make the condition better for everyone we are on this journey with. That's all. That's all.


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Okay....since I am not as uber-bothered by the FB as the section above might indicate, I want to move on to the more pressing topic I have wanted to write about. ALYA'S DANCE RECITAL! (maybe I should not end that with an EXCLAMATION...because it most certainly is not going to happen....)

I want opinions. I may or may not weigh them heavily or lightly but I want them nonetheless. A dear friend shared her thoughts with me today and it made me feel good about my gut on this. Maybe more of you can confirm what I am already thinking.

Ben and Alya were allowed to choose between music, dance, and soccer. Alya chose dance, Ben chose soccer. When they made these choices, we explained the parameters of the commitment and that they would be expected to serve out their seasons/year in the activity and could then continue the activity or move to something else. Alya has become obsessed with the idea of doing a recital. She is bummed about it. We have explained that it is in May and that it will be fine. Now, she loves to dress for dance and do the moves. On a stage at the Davidson Center yesterday, she performed, careless that unknown folks were watching. She was free, like a bird, with her beautiful arabesques....And, while Daddy and I have not had a discussion about it yet, my gut feeling is to tell her she will not have to do the recital if she feels stressed about it. Yes, I have paid for the costume, and yes, I know this will lead to a great deal of dismay for camera weilding family members. I am not trying to cause strife, what I do need to do, though, is make sure Alya is free to enjoy her classes for the rest of the year and stop being fixated on the recital.
If we think we may let her bow out, shouldn't we tell her now she has the option? I think I already know the answer....just interested in what everyone else thinks (this is a rare moment...seize it while you can).

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I never get to go out....and by never I mean...NEVER...and cosmic forces aligned this weekend and I am, somehow, getting to go hang with a very cool group of ladies tonight for a GNO to celebrate a special girl's birthday! AND....wait for it...wait for it....I GET TO GO ON A DATE TOMORROW WITH ADAM LANDINGHAM!!!! You know that picture I posted of Eddie Vedder on the boat....date night with Adam is so much better. We are going to hang out and have some good food and hang out some more....and I just can hardly contain myself. I am almost to a point of depravity (is that excessive?) just by being denied adult human contact for so long....

no this is not a segue into some weird intimate stuff....

This is me saying that it has been so long since I sat and had a face to face conversation with my husband that was allowed to be organic and natural and just take it's time, that I do not recall the last time, and that is a shame, because I very clearly recall sitting in his old Mercury Mystique behind Research Hall, listening to Corduroy, singing our lungs out and then laughing afterward...and I remember how I felt and how amazing it was....and that has been almost 14 years ago. Sad. [we've had lots of good moments these 14 years...I just cannot remember the last time we got to hang out...so I am excited....that needed clarification]

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I have so much more I want to say and write, but it is not my intention for my blog to ever be hurtful to anyone or to disclose other people's private info, so I will say this. If you are prayerful or if you could just send good energy, please do. I am surrounded by folks facing tough issues right now, and much good energy is needed.

Here is hoping you have a great weekend! I know I am going to do my best!