"No Way"
Here's a token of my openness
Of my need to not disappear
How I'm feeling, so revealing to me
I found my mind too clear
I just need someone to be there for.. me
I just want someone to be there for.. me
All the static in my attic-a
Shoots down my sciatic nerve
To the ocean of my platitudes
Longitudes, latitudes, it's so absurd
I just need someone to be there for..
I just want someone to be there for..
Someone to be there for..
'Cause I'll stop trying to make a difference
I'm not trying to make a difference
I'll stop trying to make a difference
No way
Ooh, let's call in an angel
'Cause I'll stop trying to make a difference
I'm not trying to make a difference
I'll stop trying to make a difference
No way
'Cause I'll stop trying to make a difference
I'm not trying to make a difference
I'll stop trying to make a difference
No way
No way, no way
Let's call in an angel
Who's calling an angel?
I did such a piss poor job of articulating myself yesterday, that I decided I'd let Pearl Jam do it for me today.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Cranky
I'm a Cancer. I know...draw what you will from 12 signs intended to correctly encompass the personality traits of almost 7 billion people. Right?
I buy it, though. I am gullible. I've been known to fall for political puppetry (do we do anything "smart" in college) and bad pick up lines (ditto). Also, you can fire bad jokes like a loose cannon....I am an easy target.
But....shun astrology if you will......I am sensitive and will hide in my shell when hurt....and I never have to come out. Sometimes I don't. Depends on who you are. Don't wonder. You're aware if your rung has changed.
That said, I am not generally difficult. People read me as such because my cup is always half empty, but I really am not difficult. I am open and honest and sincere and interested and inquisitive and tolerant and available. Until you sting me. See shell above.
And let's be real....the sensitivity can be an issue. I often drown myself in a cesspool of misery over all of the wonderful things I do/have done for those I love and how I never get anything in return. Oh woe is me. Pity, pity. Boo hoo.
I get my little feelings hurt, and I cry a few tears, and then I move on. But I don't. I'm not a bone clinger, and I am not a past digger, but I think I have a terrible habit of either giving up on folks entirely or keeping a secret little scoreboard locked in my heart. I forgive often, but I never, ever, EVER forget.
That is bad. I own it.
But lately I am sensitive over lots of things....not just people and interactions and words and actions. I am sensitive about life. I am sensitive about trying to do the right things and feeling robbed in spite of it.
Get ready, we are jumping into the mire here.
Simply, I will lay out one incidence of horrible injustice...I will waller in martyrdom to rival the best of the martyrs. I will give into being a total and utter pity glutton. Today.
Adam and I rarely get time alone. We paid lots of money to have children, and, thus, we keep them close at all times (and are broke, so going out is never really an option).....but we plan a periodic date or this night away or that thing out of town. Rarely.
So last year, I planned a surprise trip for Adam to Birmingham to see the Hold Steady (at the time I didn't really know their music - I have grown to love them)...I booked a hotel and planned a sitter....and he was so pitiful about not getting to go to the show that I caved a few days before and told him. He was just so very sad, and I wanted him to look forward to our trip as much as I was.
I got so much pleasure from doing that....both for myself and for doing something so thoughtful for him. We had a BLAST. Some of our good friends met us there, and we just had a good time. It was relaxing and fun and I know I will always remember that as a good trip.
Skip to a monthish ago.
Adam told me Eddie Vedder is solo touring again....with Glen Hansard (in my top 5 favorite male singers)....WHATTTTTTTT?????????????????? So I immediately started planning a trip....St. Louis was the closest destination.....that is driveable....
Gas. Hotel for 2 nights. Tickets. Food. Ouch.
Adam shut me down immediately. I don't get it. He works so hard and takes such good care of us. No, we do not get to have the frivolities other people relish, and that is okay. We chose this lifestyle so I can be with our children. No one's way is the right way. This is just our way.
Well, we could charge it. NOPE. We could ask for money. HELL NO....if the kids were in danger of starving maybe.....We could sell a kid....or both.....but we'd never get what we paid for them. IVF was expensive. We depleted our savings. It was worth it. There is always Governor's Drive.
I got a staunch NO from Adam....and I respect his NOs...he is my husband...and he is logical....and this is just too frivilous to entertain.
But I clicked around today and figured out we could have FLOWN to NYC (I have dreamed of going there...will continue to dream) 3 days before my birthday, stayed 2 nights, and seen the show at Beacon Theatre at Madison Square Garden for less than people are dropping on home decor in a month. Devastating. Absolutely heart breaking.
I know that sounds soooooo childish, and soooo soooo soooo pathetic, but it is just hard. I could have had a dream vacation with my best friend in the whole world. It would have been the most ideal thing ever (except that it would not have included my kids)....but if we are planning something without the kids that would have been it.
25 minutes clicking around and I had it all figured out. And then I figured it out.....the tickets are sold out.
And we couldn't have afforded it anyway.
And somehow, someway I feel guilty for even being sad about it. I almost feel as if I am the most selfish twit ever for being crushed.
I guess I figure I don't ask for much, and it is just hard in a world with a tough economy and being a family who is just trying to be comfortable and make the kids happy and healthy that we cannot pause for something that would be so incredibly over the top amazing.
Boo.
So there is my boo hoo for today. I will try not to have another for you tomorrow.
I buy it, though. I am gullible. I've been known to fall for political puppetry (do we do anything "smart" in college) and bad pick up lines (ditto). Also, you can fire bad jokes like a loose cannon....I am an easy target.
But....shun astrology if you will......I am sensitive and will hide in my shell when hurt....and I never have to come out. Sometimes I don't. Depends on who you are. Don't wonder. You're aware if your rung has changed.
That said, I am not generally difficult. People read me as such because my cup is always half empty, but I really am not difficult. I am open and honest and sincere and interested and inquisitive and tolerant and available. Until you sting me. See shell above.
And let's be real....the sensitivity can be an issue. I often drown myself in a cesspool of misery over all of the wonderful things I do/have done for those I love and how I never get anything in return. Oh woe is me. Pity, pity. Boo hoo.
I get my little feelings hurt, and I cry a few tears, and then I move on. But I don't. I'm not a bone clinger, and I am not a past digger, but I think I have a terrible habit of either giving up on folks entirely or keeping a secret little scoreboard locked in my heart. I forgive often, but I never, ever, EVER forget.
That is bad. I own it.
But lately I am sensitive over lots of things....not just people and interactions and words and actions. I am sensitive about life. I am sensitive about trying to do the right things and feeling robbed in spite of it.
Get ready, we are jumping into the mire here.
Simply, I will lay out one incidence of horrible injustice...I will waller in martyrdom to rival the best of the martyrs. I will give into being a total and utter pity glutton. Today.
Adam and I rarely get time alone. We paid lots of money to have children, and, thus, we keep them close at all times (and are broke, so going out is never really an option).....but we plan a periodic date or this night away or that thing out of town. Rarely.
So last year, I planned a surprise trip for Adam to Birmingham to see the Hold Steady (at the time I didn't really know their music - I have grown to love them)...I booked a hotel and planned a sitter....and he was so pitiful about not getting to go to the show that I caved a few days before and told him. He was just so very sad, and I wanted him to look forward to our trip as much as I was.
I got so much pleasure from doing that....both for myself and for doing something so thoughtful for him. We had a BLAST. Some of our good friends met us there, and we just had a good time. It was relaxing and fun and I know I will always remember that as a good trip.
Skip to a monthish ago.
Adam told me Eddie Vedder is solo touring again....with Glen Hansard (in my top 5 favorite male singers)....WHATTTTTTTT?????????????????? So I immediately started planning a trip....St. Louis was the closest destination.....that is driveable....
Gas. Hotel for 2 nights. Tickets. Food. Ouch.
Adam shut me down immediately. I don't get it. He works so hard and takes such good care of us. No, we do not get to have the frivolities other people relish, and that is okay. We chose this lifestyle so I can be with our children. No one's way is the right way. This is just our way.
Well, we could charge it. NOPE. We could ask for money. HELL NO....if the kids were in danger of starving maybe.....We could sell a kid....or both.....but we'd never get what we paid for them. IVF was expensive. We depleted our savings. It was worth it. There is always Governor's Drive.
I got a staunch NO from Adam....and I respect his NOs...he is my husband...and he is logical....and this is just too frivilous to entertain.
But I clicked around today and figured out we could have FLOWN to NYC (I have dreamed of going there...will continue to dream) 3 days before my birthday, stayed 2 nights, and seen the show at Beacon Theatre at Madison Square Garden for less than people are dropping on home decor in a month. Devastating. Absolutely heart breaking.
I know that sounds soooooo childish, and soooo soooo soooo pathetic, but it is just hard. I could have had a dream vacation with my best friend in the whole world. It would have been the most ideal thing ever (except that it would not have included my kids)....but if we are planning something without the kids that would have been it.
25 minutes clicking around and I had it all figured out. And then I figured it out.....the tickets are sold out.
And we couldn't have afforded it anyway.
And somehow, someway I feel guilty for even being sad about it. I almost feel as if I am the most selfish twit ever for being crushed.
I guess I figure I don't ask for much, and it is just hard in a world with a tough economy and being a family who is just trying to be comfortable and make the kids happy and healthy that we cannot pause for something that would be so incredibly over the top amazing.
Boo.
So there is my boo hoo for today. I will try not to have another for you tomorrow.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Camburger
4-16-11
Dear Neighborhood Squirrels,
My children and I had a fabulous morning on Monday planting yellow Celosia and red Joseph's coat in the planters around the house. We didn't bury any nuts. Get the hell out of the planters. .
Sincerely,
Me
So, we took a little family trip to Auburn for A Day over the weekend, and, despite Ben being a little cranky over the change of schedule and me being a little cranky over the "disgusting" hotel, we had a blast!
The children seemed to think the hotel was great. My position is this: I will never stay at another Hometowne Suites again as long as I live, and I will disown you, my family and friends, if you patronize them. I love that they bill themselves on their website as a Christian organization. If you want the spill on what happened, just ask. They are not worthy of any more of my blog space. It was sleepable. Period.
(Remember, backwards pictures.....laziness)
We, of course, dined in style ;) at Niffers. You just can't go wrong. It was definitely a silly supper.
I have to comment separately on this picture of Alya. She completely grew up this weekend. We got in the van Saturday morning, and she was still a tiny little girl....and when we arrived in Auburn, she'd changed....during the drive. I swear. She just seems kind of.....mature....as mature as a 4 year old can be. She was soooo sweet and had such a fun time. She was skipping along all day and laughing and just happy to be in Auburn. I think she knows....I think she sees the future and she knows how much fun vet school at AU is going to be :) This picture just caught it...
The two had a BLAST in the new arena. It is phenomenal! Can't wait to take them to their first AU basketball game!
More AU fun:
On another note, I am convinced that my children are the greatest children in the world. However, I am also logical....and I am aware that there are smarter children, children who are more talented at this or that, etc. Okay, fine, such is the world. It doesn't matter, because my two will always be the greatest in the world to me. However, I am convinced that Ben (and potentially Alya) are genius photographers.....Now, we've struggled with a super blurry lens because we just let them loose with the little Sony Cybershot. We get finger marks. It makes for blurry photos....but Ben has an eye for composition...and we think Alya may as well, it is just hard to judge b.c he takes a majority of the photos.
Here are just a few of what came off the Sony when I downloaded the Auburn shots.
I can't believe all of you weren't losing your minds over all of the cute kid pictures in the last post.
Comments, people, comments....if you think it, type it. Just saying ;)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
PCB
I've been to Panama City Beach once in my life. Adam drove me there during one of our Destin stays. It seemed seedy. Maybe I am jealous for never having a remarkable beach visit, childhood Spring Break.
Fortunately, these Spring Break days are still simple. I am relishing it. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am having more fun right now in my life than ever before. Not discounting some of the very good times gone by....just saying...it is nice to just live in the moment as unhindered as possible by the past and as unassuming as possible about the future.
I abhor downloading pictures to my blog because it loads them in reverse...which means I would need to exert some thought and effort into posting them backwards to have them laid out as I desire, and I am just too damn lazy......and I try to speed through posts these days, because, well, I am a busy. I have a husband and 2 4 year olds and 2 stinky dogs and a house and adult responsibilities. My plate is full.
Ongoing love affair with my kitchen window.....I seriously just stand and look at it wistfully sometimes....it is just so.....perfect....and I love changing the items in the window....and I adore that I can watch my kids out it if I must be inside while they are out....and I love that it is part of my home. (boooooo sappy)
Daddy and Ben at the twins' first baseball game!
Mommy and Alya (see Ben in the back preparing to nose dive.....this was why we sat low...)
Alya...less in "cheer" mode and more in "performance" mode....
Brown clown in Daddy's sunglasses.
And again with the inability to contain herself. (Let me sidenote here that we have become a bit taken by the fact that Alya is increasingly spastic and goofy. For Ben it seems natural and boyish, but, for Alya it seems almost as if she is spasming from an inability to contain all of her imagination...because she is in a constant state of imaginative play...and she is just a ball of insanity....but do not worry. I assure you she can go into vegetative mode as well - to come.)
What???? I let these kids make a mess of themselves with sugary things like nutella and sit limp and listless in front of cartoons??????? The horror. :) Surely, they are being damaged beyond repair!
Now that you have taken in the display of slothness, let me account that for 30 minutes after my children wake from an afternoon nap, it is important not to look at them or talk to them. This actually began when they were babies. At certain times, it was important not to make direct eye contact with them, because they were demon babies who wanted to be left alone......now let's be honest that 99% of the time they want to waller and writhe about on us, to which we give in readily.....and we do enjoy piling up in the bed or on the couch or anywhere we can all waller together, because wallering is good. But, be very, very aware that no contact should be made for 30 minutes post nap. It makes the natives angry. Just serve the requested snack and video without comment and everything will go as planned for the remainder of the evening. They come by it honestly. I am not sure that Adam and I ever speak to each other in the mornings. It just seems natural to hate the world briefly after waking.
Ben and "Nemo".
Ben working on another "infinity" composition. They are obsessed with Sleigh Bells "Infinity Guitar" right now....and Ben has been making up songs and performances that involve both his ukulele and his big guitar. I need to Flip these performances, because he names them things like "infinity jump" and it will involve playing/strumming a while, and then standing the guitar upright and running around it, or some other fashion of performance. It really is creative....and I think he might be ready for guitar lessons.
A fresh jar of Nutella...marred by a graham cracker....
And, so it begins, the beginning of the end my friends. The big piece is ready to go. Hold your breath.....it's coming!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Adam Scott
Had a fabulous weekend in ATL with two of my favorite girls. Got to hang with Jeff and Paddy too. I cannot wait for the kids to meet Shelby! She is such a happy baby....and she talks....constantly. She is serious when she explains something to you - just like her mommy and easy going just - like her daddy.
Monster Strawberry week......alternately titled, mad scientist Brown meets super sonic strawberry.....
I blatantly ripped off the kid's flower garden/natural border idea off the Phillips :) We have tiny little sprouts!!!! Alya did a great job helping me dig the area out and lay the moss and Ben even got in on spreading seeds.
That's is all. I have been home....had some time with Adam...and the kids are about to be up.
Have a chillax Sunday folks.
Monster Strawberry week......alternately titled, mad scientist Brown meets super sonic strawberry.....
I blatantly ripped off the kid's flower garden/natural border idea off the Phillips :) We have tiny little sprouts!!!! Alya did a great job helping me dig the area out and lay the moss and Ben even got in on spreading seeds.
That's is all. I have been home....had some time with Adam...and the kids are about to be up.
Have a chillax Sunday folks.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Too Late
I sooooo should have titled that last post Nutter Butter!
I am devastated that Tom Hanks appeared on Sex and the City...in a sex scene....wha...oh now it is off.
I'm going to give a birthday shout out soon, but waiting on stats.
And I am giving a shout out to my ATL peeps. Can't wait to meet Shelby Jane tomorrow!
Is that it, you say? Fraid so.
I am devastated that Tom Hanks appeared on Sex and the City...in a sex scene....wha...oh now it is off.
I'm going to give a birthday shout out soon, but waiting on stats.
And I am giving a shout out to my ATL peeps. Can't wait to meet Shelby Jane tomorrow!
Is that it, you say? Fraid so.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
pine nut, pecan, hazel nut, pistachio.....
I guess this is where the rubber meets the road, because I am about to keep a very difficult promise to myself that I made recently (not in the last couple of weeks recently, think last few months recently).
I am going to hurt people's feelings.....and I hate doing that, because, well, I'd "trained myself" out of being brutually honest and hurtful....and had learned to bite my tongue, and/or run and hide from situations to avoid confrontation that might make someone else feel bad. I don't worry about facing my feelings, because, trust me, I am accustomed to feeling like shit. I have just found that in keeping my honest feelings inside, I do myself a bit of an injustice. So, I am done putting other people first. It's all coming out...and it has been held in a while, so it may spew with the force of a volcano.
That said, brutal honesty sometimes lends itself to comic relief.....but I HAVE to warn you....this material is not for amateurs, light stomachs, or faint hearts. It is all Clarke. I encourage you to avoid this post. If you go ahead with it, it is your fault, not mine.
So, I had/have/am having this WEIRD come apart that began around the first of the year (I accidently typed rear...Freudian oops).....it began with CLASSIC end of Winter depression.....and it got super bad. It got bad enough that I was still on the bare cusp of being social, and I was considering a return to CBT (cognitive behavorial therapy). I got a little lost in there, and, I didn't have a ton of support from some of the people I needed most, and it just got weird and gross and I have a mental scar. That means I am no longer feeling depressed, but I am left with a lot of weight about who in my life can really handle the mess I am and who cannot. That is a hard cluster to have in the brain. Don't worry.....brutal honesty....I don't require much....just patience...and understanding...and an occasional ear. Generally I am hermitish and quiet and withdrawn anyway, so I am hardly a burden to anyone.
Sooooooooo, a lot of tears, and a lot of talks with my BFF (Adam) and I worked through it, with his help. In fact, the positive to the paragraph above is that I actually found solice and compassion in people I never expected. Adam was not alone in pulling me out of the murky water. People showed up with food, called, checked on me, stopped by, lent an ear. You oftentimes have people who care for you beyond what you ever knew. It is lovely.
So, enough of that...I was a funky dump and now I am better, BUT about the time my brain started adjusting and the day started getting longer, my body started falling apart...and this is where you may want to just visit my blog another time.
I have never had trouble with hemorrhoids except for a minor bit of light flare up during pregnancy (now, at least 2 of you got frantic calls when this all started transpiring, and I was feeling very private, and your support during that time was so important to me.....however I feel at liberty to be right out there now, because...dun dun dun....apparently people the world over deal with this)....okay so...light flare up...puffy bottom....whatever.
I - within a matter of 2 days - had a thing the size of a grape show up on my behind. I explained where it was to my OBGYN. He smiled and said he knows where they grow. I really do love him.
Now, at the time, my OBGYN was out of town, so I called and they scheduled me for the following week. I realized I could not comfortably or reasonably run or bike (AACK TRAINING INTERRUPTION).....and I kept the panic under wraps.....and then...within hours, I felt like the grape might rupture.
Now, you know me...this quickly turned to me not being able to move, because of the location of the thing, and, potentially bleeding to death. What if the kids were napping and I could not get to my phone? Surely this, like everything else, is a matter of immediate emergency action. I called the doc back. I talked to a much loved and well known nurse. She called me in a magic cream - guaranteed to work wonders.
And it did.
But in the meantime, my lower back had started giving me fits, and there was a period of Chiropractor/Doctor/muscle relaxers/not enough exercise to count....that seemed to drag on....and the back got worse...and I found myself getting xrays...and taking more meds...and things got better. They improved. I am still tender.
In the meantime, my janked up body went into a left side BPPV episode (vertigo), I had a gall bladder attack great enough to cause a "watch"...., and, now, everything but the "grape" area is flared up.
It is a joke, right?
Nope....still unable to really work out (I don't call a good swim a good workout.) Still only about 85% on the back....and the behind is flared up.
So I am showering yesterday, and I am washing.....ahem...there....and I feel something as hard as a rock, and I think.....this is it. I am dying. I am dying and cancer tumors are popping up and I am going to completely crumble this time.....and then the little hard nugget fell into my hand.
Did you just gag?
Sorry.
And, I had to look, because you would look. Anyone who says they would wash their butthole and have a hard chunk of something fall of into their hand and not look is a F'ING L.I.A.R.
Apparently, at some point, I'd failed to digest a nut. Well, hell, it was going to be that or a corn kernel, right? Good Lord. I know you wanted this to be far more exciting.
But that nut (which appeared to be a hefty hunk of walnut....and I attest that the conspirator muffins were divine)....that nut just sat in my hand for minutes....in the shower....and I realized it was an undigested nut....and not a cancer tumor.....and while I have no idea why I am falling apart, apparently, the parts of my body that need to work to keep me moving are. And that should be enough.
Right?
Right.
So while I know not how much time I have, I know this. I'd done a great job not wasting that time lately, other than the lack of backbone that I thought was (oh MARTYR moment) a mature move on my part....and ability to look past the things that others do that hurt me....and just smile and live right, because that is all that matters, right?
Well, I thought so, and then I learned that when I don't speak up, not only do I get shit on, but my kids and husband can be affected too.....and that's not cool. We're not going there.
So, if you see my name in your inbox, watch out, because, I assure you, I didn't take any funny nut pictures or anything, so, I am trying to get right.
I am going to hurt people's feelings.....and I hate doing that, because, well, I'd "trained myself" out of being brutually honest and hurtful....and had learned to bite my tongue, and/or run and hide from situations to avoid confrontation that might make someone else feel bad. I don't worry about facing my feelings, because, trust me, I am accustomed to feeling like shit. I have just found that in keeping my honest feelings inside, I do myself a bit of an injustice. So, I am done putting other people first. It's all coming out...and it has been held in a while, so it may spew with the force of a volcano.
That said, brutal honesty sometimes lends itself to comic relief.....but I HAVE to warn you....this material is not for amateurs, light stomachs, or faint hearts. It is all Clarke. I encourage you to avoid this post. If you go ahead with it, it is your fault, not mine.
So, I had/have/am having this WEIRD come apart that began around the first of the year (I accidently typed rear...Freudian oops).....it began with CLASSIC end of Winter depression.....and it got super bad. It got bad enough that I was still on the bare cusp of being social, and I was considering a return to CBT (cognitive behavorial therapy). I got a little lost in there, and, I didn't have a ton of support from some of the people I needed most, and it just got weird and gross and I have a mental scar. That means I am no longer feeling depressed, but I am left with a lot of weight about who in my life can really handle the mess I am and who cannot. That is a hard cluster to have in the brain. Don't worry.....brutal honesty....I don't require much....just patience...and understanding...and an occasional ear. Generally I am hermitish and quiet and withdrawn anyway, so I am hardly a burden to anyone.
Sooooooooo, a lot of tears, and a lot of talks with my BFF (Adam) and I worked through it, with his help. In fact, the positive to the paragraph above is that I actually found solice and compassion in people I never expected. Adam was not alone in pulling me out of the murky water. People showed up with food, called, checked on me, stopped by, lent an ear. You oftentimes have people who care for you beyond what you ever knew. It is lovely.
So, enough of that...I was a funky dump and now I am better, BUT about the time my brain started adjusting and the day started getting longer, my body started falling apart...and this is where you may want to just visit my blog another time.
I have never had trouble with hemorrhoids except for a minor bit of light flare up during pregnancy (now, at least 2 of you got frantic calls when this all started transpiring, and I was feeling very private, and your support during that time was so important to me.....however I feel at liberty to be right out there now, because...dun dun dun....apparently people the world over deal with this)....okay so...light flare up...puffy bottom....whatever.
I - within a matter of 2 days - had a thing the size of a grape show up on my behind. I explained where it was to my OBGYN. He smiled and said he knows where they grow. I really do love him.
Now, at the time, my OBGYN was out of town, so I called and they scheduled me for the following week. I realized I could not comfortably or reasonably run or bike (AACK TRAINING INTERRUPTION).....and I kept the panic under wraps.....and then...within hours, I felt like the grape might rupture.
Now, you know me...this quickly turned to me not being able to move, because of the location of the thing, and, potentially bleeding to death. What if the kids were napping and I could not get to my phone? Surely this, like everything else, is a matter of immediate emergency action. I called the doc back. I talked to a much loved and well known nurse. She called me in a magic cream - guaranteed to work wonders.
And it did.
But in the meantime, my lower back had started giving me fits, and there was a period of Chiropractor/Doctor/muscle relaxers/not enough exercise to count....that seemed to drag on....and the back got worse...and I found myself getting xrays...and taking more meds...and things got better. They improved. I am still tender.
In the meantime, my janked up body went into a left side BPPV episode (vertigo), I had a gall bladder attack great enough to cause a "watch"...., and, now, everything but the "grape" area is flared up.
It is a joke, right?
Nope....still unable to really work out (I don't call a good swim a good workout.) Still only about 85% on the back....and the behind is flared up.
So I am showering yesterday, and I am washing.....ahem...there....and I feel something as hard as a rock, and I think.....this is it. I am dying. I am dying and cancer tumors are popping up and I am going to completely crumble this time.....and then the little hard nugget fell into my hand.
Did you just gag?
Sorry.
And, I had to look, because you would look. Anyone who says they would wash their butthole and have a hard chunk of something fall of into their hand and not look is a F'ING L.I.A.R.
Apparently, at some point, I'd failed to digest a nut. Well, hell, it was going to be that or a corn kernel, right? Good Lord. I know you wanted this to be far more exciting.
But that nut (which appeared to be a hefty hunk of walnut....and I attest that the conspirator muffins were divine)....that nut just sat in my hand for minutes....in the shower....and I realized it was an undigested nut....and not a cancer tumor.....and while I have no idea why I am falling apart, apparently, the parts of my body that need to work to keep me moving are. And that should be enough.
Right?
Right.
So while I know not how much time I have, I know this. I'd done a great job not wasting that time lately, other than the lack of backbone that I thought was (oh MARTYR moment) a mature move on my part....and ability to look past the things that others do that hurt me....and just smile and live right, because that is all that matters, right?
Well, I thought so, and then I learned that when I don't speak up, not only do I get shit on, but my kids and husband can be affected too.....and that's not cool. We're not going there.
So, if you see my name in your inbox, watch out, because, I assure you, I didn't take any funny nut pictures or anything, so, I am trying to get right.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
(Shakes Hands)
I couldn't leave the weekend without one more post. This really was a great weekend!
And I wanted a record of how much the kids have grown in the last 2 days....seriously...in the last 2 days. They are so tall. Just look.......
Jump
This is for you, mom! Thanks for babysitting last night. This was this morning before we moved outdoors. We are back inside for lunch and nap and then back outside we'll go, hopefully!
This didn't make the Facebook cut since Alya very obviously needed to pee.
That is a "door" the "girl" is holding and at the end, Alya says, "I still wanted to waller on you."....we spent a good part of the morning wallering in bed and then in the chair. She decided the wasn't done wallering. That was fine by me.
Waller: verb. Urban Dictionary The word originated from farmers who used the term to describe the pigs "wallering" in the mud or their own shit. Today it describes someone who is lying around lazily, doing nothing. When a person is completely worn out or hung over, they "waller" in bed or on the couch. To be slow, heavy, sleepy and/or unmotivated. Often occurs on the day following alcohol or substance abuse. May also be the result of over extending oneself during the workweek. All they can do is "waller" because they are too brain dead to do anything else.
Network
I'd love to say that we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming soon, but, I have decided to entirely overhaul the station. It just feels like time.
We have had an incredible weekend. In fact, there is more to be done, so I am short on time, but....
I worked the Great Book Exchange at the church Friday night with a group of really amazing people. We raised a lot of $$$$ for March of Dimes and had fun (and ate too many baked goods)!
Saturday we ate breakfast at the bagel shop, dropped off surprise party goods at Shelly and Lori's (thanks for all your help!!!), went to a birthday party at Bridge Street, went shopping at Lowe Mill with Emily for her 30th b'day, at dinner with the family, and then had the big surprise 3-0 party for Em. We had a BLAST!
This morning, we are wrapping up to final regular piece in the series...and we'll have instructions for the FINAL large lounge piece to be done, hopefully, this week.
SIGGGGHHHHHH!!!! I don't really know how to even feel about almost being done. I cannot wait to see it all together!
I think the outdoors are calling.
A happy Sunday and a good week to all.
We have had an incredible weekend. In fact, there is more to be done, so I am short on time, but....
I worked the Great Book Exchange at the church Friday night with a group of really amazing people. We raised a lot of $$$$ for March of Dimes and had fun (and ate too many baked goods)!
Saturday we ate breakfast at the bagel shop, dropped off surprise party goods at Shelly and Lori's (thanks for all your help!!!), went to a birthday party at Bridge Street, went shopping at Lowe Mill with Emily for her 30th b'day, at dinner with the family, and then had the big surprise 3-0 party for Em. We had a BLAST!
This morning, we are wrapping up to final regular piece in the series...and we'll have instructions for the FINAL large lounge piece to be done, hopefully, this week.
SIGGGGHHHHHH!!!! I don't really know how to even feel about almost being done. I cannot wait to see it all together!
I think the outdoors are calling.
A happy Sunday and a good week to all.
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